you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
