ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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