walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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