I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I didn't notice because vodka
i've created a new STD.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
