Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm fucking your sister right now.

(1-813): View more from Florida

You motherfucker

(813): View more from Florida

She's next.

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(714): View more from California

found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

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(386): View more from Florida

I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife

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(604): View more from British Columbia

omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??

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(719): View more from Colorado

I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.

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(407): View more from Florida

I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.

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