I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
