Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
