Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
