i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
