so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
