Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
