tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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