shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
