It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
