Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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