Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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