very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
