Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
