how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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