and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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