drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
