Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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