Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
