Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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