Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
