Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
