): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
