She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
