I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
