I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
