why didn't you poke me back
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
