my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
