Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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