The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
