I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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