that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
