god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
