Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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