Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
