Already got asked if we're dating
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
