i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Someone shit on the floor
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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