these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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