I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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