I heard we made out
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
