grandma shit on top of the toilet
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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