I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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