All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
