Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
