my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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