What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
